Saturday, May 29, 2004

Yay! New Orleans hosting Unity Conference!! 

We can always use more conferences, and certainly more unity right?

Oh, wait. It's a White unity conference.

Fresh from the pen, David Duke's friends are holding a Homecoming in his honor. How sweet. Unfortunately Lovely, Colicky and I already had plans this holiday weekend, but for those wanting to attend, it looks like the ($100) "Family Plan" might be the best deal. With the amount of rampant inbreeding amongst these "White patriots", I suspect the entire audience could be covered under a single fee.

If you should happen to NOT be a supporter of Duke (remember, he carried Jefferson Parish with ease in '91) feel free to join the protest scheduled tomorrow at the "white supremacist" (or "liberty") monument behind Canal Place. I was unaware of such a monument, but would urge non-racists to attend and publicly condemn these bigots. (I dearly hope no mischievous entrepreneur sets up an impromptu egg kiosk where protesters could quicly purchase eggs either singly or by the carton. That might get messy.)

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The terrorists want you to bet against Smarty Jones 

If the terrorists strike before the Indy 500, don't waver and switch allegiance to a racing team that sports un-american colors.

If the terrorists strike prior to the NBA finals, continue rooting for LA-- do not embrace Arab-rich Detroit out of fear.

If the terrorists disrupt the Belmont-- don't be lured into betting on an equine who's bloodlines aren't 100% terrorist-free.

And if the terrorists should hit the French Open-- whatever you do-- show no sympathy to the Frogs; the evil ones might interpret that as a sign of weakness...


Absurdities, all.

Yet, you will hear the phrases "terrorist attack" and "before the election" grouped together a lot this summer (just as "Iraq" and "9/11" were rhetorically linked throughout fall 2002). React to it as you would to the above. You'll also hear "don't let them 'disrupt' the elections like in Spain." That's code for: "don't let the leftists win because they will make the country more vulnerable." No one who asserts these things really questions whether the electoral process will be disrupted, actually, it's the result they are worried about.

It's a subtle way of saying "don't elect the Democrats if another attack occurs on Bush's (and Tenet's) watch." I believe you should either have the guts to say one candidate isn't sufficiently anti-terrorist, or say nothing at all. Darkly implying that al-Qaeda secretly hopes for one over the other is base fear-mongering. Nothing in al-Qaeda's interviews or actions over the years implies a "preference". They'll continue killing no matter who is in charge.

But if we keep following this despicable line of thought, we might ask: should we even have elections before the war on terror is won, if we can't trust Americans to vote "correctly" in a crisis? Is even running for president right now a low grade form of treason? To be safe, should we postpone the democratic process here while we attempt to cultivate it abroad? If there is an attack when Kerry is leading in the polls, does that mean the terrorists want Bush to win?... You can go on and on playing these games.

Orcinus has a fine run-down on this, including an alleged statement from al-Qaeda "endorsing" Bush and fearing Kerry. However, I don't put much stock in that nor do I advise using such things as political weapons. Figuring out who the terrorists fear most is useless (because they don't differentiate), hazardous (because they might be bluffing) and undignified to the democratic process we hold dear. Just vote for the candidate you think is best, or least worst, and encourage others to do the same.


They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security
--Benjamin Franklin


Update: Philosoraptor has more too.
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Friday, May 28, 2004

Bend it like Bush an'em 

The CAFTA agreement was signed today demonstrating that the Bush administration is protectionist when it hurts Louisiana ports (steel tariffs), yet also a free trader when it can injure LA sugar farmers.

Why Louisiana supports an administration so openly hostile to its state economy is beyond my understanding.

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Feisal tells an American Tale 

Iraqi-American Feisal Istrabadi, the principal author of Iraq's temporary constitution observes:

It appears that the United States is accomodating itself to warlordism in Iraq.

Outrageous nonsense! A preposterous story! I mean, all one has to do is look over at Afghanistan to see we'd never accomo--....ew...uh-oh...shit.
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Thursday, May 27, 2004

Pimp Daddy  

According to Scat magazine, the average price of young girls' used panties sold in Japanese vending machines is a whopping Fifty Bucks a piece!

-----------I'm Gonna be Freakin' Rich!!!-----------

Based on those numbers I figure my Colicky Loinfruit can easily churn out $400 worth of diaper product each day. And as the fetish for ever-younger girls underwear reaches the "infant stage" in Japan, I'll be ready. One day soon, soiled diaper vending machines will be coming out the "Yin Yang" over there-- one on every corner! Imagine: millions of addicts needing their daily fix, bypassing Starbucks, in search of that magic baby poo aroma.

Of course, my Lovely wasn't impressed when I started hoarding old diapers last week, but she'll come around once the mania hits. Then we can parlay all our profits into the emerging ultra-sound utero-vid market.

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Pound for Pound... 

With the fall of Roy Jones jr, may I submit an unconventional choice for the open MBS (Most Bitch Slappinest) title belt:
Pride of New Orleans, Richard Simmons!!

From WaPo, tip of the hat to TBogg:

Richard Simmons is off the hook -- the assault charges have been dropped, Phoenix police say. In March, he slapped Christopher Farney, a cage fighter, after Farney allegedly made a sarcastic remark about the flamboyant exercise guru at an airport. Lawyers say a private settlement was reached.
Don't rub a New Orleanian the wrong way. Or do.
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Wednesday, May 26, 2004

Elvis overdosed on kool-aid  

Clinton valued this wacko's advice!?!

The following Dick Morris column contains some of the most hideously stupid analysis you'll ever read. The final paragraphs are indescribably wacked.

If you're unconcerned about your brain exploding, read this.


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Update: A summary for the non-masochists: Al-Qaeda kills in Iraq so that Americans will elect Kerry. We must prevent more casualties in Iraq, so that voters will re-elect Bush, thereby foiling Al-Qaeda.

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Dems being Dems again 

Tapped reports on a Progressive policy conference where Kevin Phillips lamented that:
Democrats have no sense of how they got rolled, no sense of their obligation to defend the American system, no sense to rise to what is going on...Michael Dukakis was a Harvard techno-geek and [Al] Gore played populist until Jimmy Baker lawyered him under the table in Florida. Unless Kerry wants to end up on this schlump list, he's gotta stop acting like a stiff.

Amen to that. So what has JFK been up to?-- crafting a campaign slogan that encapsulates his message, of course. The result: Let America be America again.

Wow. Not exactly content-rich, there, Kerry. You say it's based on a poem by Langston Hughes? Wonderful-- how many people (who aren't already Democrats) are impressed by that? Worse, at least a dozen lines from that splendid work look awkward when taken out of context. ("America never was America to me"...etc). Should it matter that Hughes was a black gay socialist atheist? No. But you must consider how that will play nationally, especially in the south. No doubt Brit Hume's already got a week's worth of "grapevine" segments ready to go on this. Republicans will knock this meatball out of the park.

No matter what context you put that slogan in, Kerry, your message will be lost in the controversy. It's not worth the political price. If I'm so smart what would I come up with?-- and it can't be some generic "fighting for america's future working families b.s."?--Ew. Okay, good question. I'll get back to you.

In the meantime Matt Yglesias spotlights a Dem who has an excellent 100 point plan to "win" the war on terrorism. It's chock full of good ideas like building secular schools in primarily Muslim countries, to offer better alternatives to the madrasses churning out radical militants. Naturally most Dems will ignore this, choosing to attack Bush rather than defend their own solution.
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Tuesday, May 25, 2004

Better over there than here 

Only one thousand of the approximately 18,000 Al-Qaeda are in Iraq. Seems the world media is doing a horrible job of getting the word out that IRAQ is the central front on the war on terror. Surely, if only the other 17k (including the U.S. sleepers) were notified, they'd say, "Hum d'Allah!! Thanks very much for the notice. Off to Baghdad at once!!"

The Iraq invasion has also accelerated Al-Qaeda recruiting, flummoxing everyone who knows a thing about terrorist groups.

From this month's print edition of the Atlantic: (My written summary of a timeline graphic)
THE WORLD IN NUMBERS: Between '96 (when Bin Laden declared jihad on American troops in Saudi Arabia) and 9/11/01 there were 8 Al-Qaeda attacks killing 349. Since 9/11 there have been at least 14 Al-Qaeda attacks killing 599.

That we transferred special forces pursuing al-Qaeda from Afghanistan to Iraq in 2002 is, in my view, unpardonable-- a titanic strategic error whose consequences move inexorably forward in a dream-like slow motion.

Punditbook rates the odds of a summer attack in the U.S. as 2:1... Feeling lucky?
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When pissing on the devil, make sure he is downwind... 

Uppity-Negro wonders:

How many fucking frisbees does it take to equal someone getting a chem light shoved up their ass?

Helpfully, Debbie Daniel at GOPUSA offers an answer: screw'em-- shove the frisbees up there too! Actually, she argues that we should become monsters when we fight monsters. In her words:

You have to meet the enemy where he is. You have to get inside his mind; to think like he does or you can't win.
(snip)
Our President couldn't have said it any plainer; we're dealing with the "Axis of Evil" . . . in other words - Satan himself. (via the Poison Kitchen)

Unwittingly, Debbie has presented us a huge neo-conundrum. If Ahmed Chalabi spies for Iran, hasn't this agent of Satan infiltrated the highest levels of our own government? Should we clean house, just to be safe?

No. Our leaders were deceived.

Oh, I see. And who is easier to decieve than the absolutely certain? Does it not follow that we should install leaders who know the value of doubt in an "Uncertain World"? I think so.

For the Manicheans who see only black and white, riddle me this:

Should the CIA have armed Osama Bin Laden's mujahideen in their fight against the Soviets in Afghanistan? That is, should we have supported the rise of "Islamofascism" over the decline of the "Evil Empire"? Simple question. Here's another phrasing: Should we give Satan an extra trident in hopes he'll poke himself? Yes or no?

Or perhaps the world is a tad more complex than that, and requires an understanding of more than two categories. Today, we mistake moral simplicity for moral clarity-- this blindness will prove lethal in the long term.

So ask yourself: how much complexity can I personally incorporate, without falling into paralysis? ("Paralysis" meaining either the inability to act, or the mental retreat to simple thought circles.)

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Side note: Can anyone offer some New Testament justification for Bush's repeated claim that "Freedom is the Almighty's gift"? There isn't talk of political freedom anywhere that I see. But I'm open and curious on this, and will certainly frequent the wish list of someone who makes a tight argument on Dubya's behalf.
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Another note: I'm going to break up the repetition and slam some liberals soon.
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Morphy-us offers a chill pill (or: Don't player hate, innovate) 

Matt at Basket Full of Puppies messes with the "gret stet", by disparaging the best chess player of all time. Well, if there's one thing that Louisianans love-- it's chess. Heck I remember one night when the LSU chess club was playing Auburn, after a winning brilliancy (!!) the crowd's roar was so loud it registered on the seismographs over at the geology lab. (Some say the football game that night was a factor, but chess enthusiasts know the truth).

In the meantime, until an apology is rendered, get your Puppy fix here.
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Sunday, May 23, 2004

"Oyster, how can I write wise titles like you?" 

Sorry, kids. It's a gift. It's not something you can learn, like riding a bike (no offense, Dubya). Creating great titles is more like divine inspiration. How else can you explain the following:

Thursday's YRHT blog title:
Who's Gaming the "Great Game" Now?

Sunday's LATimes:
A U.S. official confirmed that defectors from Chalabi's organization had provided suspect information to numerous Western intelligence agencies. "It's safe to say he tried to game the system," the official said.

Wow. I mean, with titles that good, you really don't have to read the body of the posts. (Please try to, though.)

Now if someone ever asks you "What the hell are you talking about!?" You can always reply:
"I'm a daily Right Hand Thief reader. So, you'll probably have to wait several news cycles before my prescient terminology makes sense."
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Worried Poodle... 

As recognition of the morass grows, fissures are emerging within the Blair administration's unqualified support for America's handling of Iraq. From the Scotsman via heiser (my emphases):

The damning document, produced by a team working for Foreign Secretary Jack Straw, disclosed private reservations within Tony Blair’s administration about Washington’s approach to the post-war occupation. The detailed memo, sent to senior ministers and top officials last week as a "progress report" on the occupation, stressed the need for the UK government to press the Americans to soften their approach and avoid aggressive responses "which would jeopardise our objectives". It also talked of "the need to redouble our efforts to ensure a sensitive and sensible US approach to military operations".

The revelations shatter the government’s long-held insistence that there are no differences between Downing Street and the White House over Iraq. The six-page memo suggests that the US tactics have particularly damaged support among ordinary Iraqis and stirred up much of the unrest which has exploded into violence in recent months. And, in a startling admission, it also declares that the "scandal" over the abuse of Iraqi prisoners in Coalition-run jails has damaged the "moral authority" of Britain and the US as they struggle to justify their decision to overthrow Saddam Hussein’s dictatorial regime.


Recent polls indicate most Iraqis want us to leave, two thirds (!)support boogeyman Muqtada al-Sadr, and the overwhelming majority see U.S. troops as occupiers rather than liberators.

Currently we're bombing two of the holiest cities in Shia Islam, while the man we envisaged as Iraq's first president is functioning as an Iranian spy. Perhaps you remember widely ridiculed weapons inspector Scott Ritter's quote at the start of the conflict (since which he is up 180,000 credits at Punditbook):

Every time we confront Iraqi troops we may win some tactical battles, as we did for ten years in Vietnam, but we will not be able to win this war, which in my opinion is already lost.

Tomorrow at the Army War College the President will explain how well things are going in Iraq. Did someone brief him on the report published by the College's Strategic Studies group, describing the invasion as a "strategic error"? .

The United States is going to win every military battle in Iraq and lose the political war. To put it in simple terms for right-wing friends who relish "clarity":

Either you're for world historic strategic blunders or you're against them.


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