Saturday, July 10, 2004

"Ashes to Ashes, Funk to Funky" 

David Bowie, the greatest artist since 1970, suffered a heart attack on stage, according to the Sun. He is currently recovering at his place in New York.

This spring in New Orleans he put on a show that was nearly beyond praise-- it was the first time I got to see him in person, and he did not disappoint. Our thoughts go out to him.

(h/t Drudge)
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Thursday, July 08, 2004

Advice for Porn-Agains 

Until recently I was unaware that the world wide web included sites that feature explicit nudity. There's literally dozens of them, bringing in hundreds of dollars each year. While I'm libertarian on censorship issues, and will not infringe on the opportunities for coked-out runaways and desperate grannies to market themselves, I would like to offer some advice to my political opponents who wish to eliminate porn. (If you happen to belong to this group I encourage you to visit this site, and speak your mind.)

Now here's my suggestion to the anti-porn crusaders: get clever. Moral patriots like yourselves might try fighting fire with fire once in a while. That is, why not create an enticing pseudo-porn site that will actually trap and de-hornify even the most unsexed preeverts? For example, you could make a feature-rich site with all the bells and whistles of the real ones. (For graphic assistance contact Fox's Neil Cavuto .) Then, once your site starts attracting unwholesome degenerates, it springs a trap on them. Several minutes into their masturbatory amusement, the images these pornlovers are slobbering over begin changing unexpectedly. And before they know it, their lust objects have morphed into upstanding, utterly non-sexual beings like John Ashcroft or Ann Coulter. Such faces will burn deep into the pornmongers' subconscious, and will forever taint their sick fantasies since their lust is now mixed in with the visages of moral honor. Further, their discomfort could be increased with, say, a newly-morphed Coulter dismissively remarking: "Why are you looking at me when the joke is in your hand? And your technique is even un-American"...etc. Perhaps a Nelson guffaw would increase their embarassment.

How about that approach? Crafty, huh? Remember, though, that proper timing is crucial for the subterfuge to be effective.

Despite my advice to the repressed fundies, I firmly believe that if you're going to pleasure yourself, it might as well be to nude humans having sex rather than to nude humans who've just been napalmed.

(Speaking of which, if Wolfowitz needed to moisten his hair before being interviewed about war, why didn't he just use the "gel" on his earlobe?)
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Did you vote for David Duke in '90 or '91? 

I'm gonna start asking white conservatives (35+) this question whenever the conversation turns political. Embarrass the majority of white voters who wanted this racist swindler for Senator or Governor. Of course, the alternative ended up in jail too, but this question will yield an uncomfortable pause and stutter. I wonder how many will confess....

Unabashed Michael doesn't mind stirring things up, and I salute him for that.
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The Best and the Foggiest 

Blogging about movies involves the tacit admission that you sit on your ass far too much. My earlier recommendation of Waking Life caused so much demand at Amazon that they discounted the DVD to $3.99. Undeterred, I will now recommend without qualification The Fog of War. Brilliant, pertinent, and utterly absorbing, this documentary sheds so much insight on Vietnam (and Iraq) that I can only direct you to see it ASAP. It is a work of the highest caliber, yet will be totally ineffectual this political season.

For comic relief, AnchorMan sounds funny.
Update: Life Goes Off has breaking news on another coming attraction.

Update #2: The price is back up to $10.
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Steady now 

"Were you aware that more and more wives are cheating?"

(Head snaps up from blog) "Huh? In America?"

"Yes, in america."

"Well. What, are you going to cheat on me?"

"I hope not."

"You hope not?!?

Lovely playfully dances away, while I yet again go over to inventory daughter Colicky's physical features. Then I decide to promptly cancel Newsweek, and start periodically checking under the rug for sneaky personal trainers.

One comforting thought is that, with a daughter, Lovely and I won't have to decide about whether we should inflict some sick-ass tubular dentata on our precious infant's genitals. So that's a plus.
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Wednesday, July 07, 2004

Kibbles and Bits and Peaches and Herbicide 

* "Indifference to the public education of African American youth is a moral crime."-- Gambit Weekly's front page quote from anti-Duke man Lance Hill.

* Unelect Bush purely on culinary grounds. Louisianans should be aghast at the lack of flavor promoted by the White House. Phizz has the recipe, apparently for gypsum.

* The Dow was stuck in a range (roughly) between 700-1200 from 1968-1982. How long will it inhabit the current range of 7,000-12,000? Will diversifying and dollar-cost averaging and holding tight in a flat market get you where you want to go? Is a nation of amateur investors prepared for stagflation, or the pop of the credit bubble, or equities having below average returns? Think about it. Don't just hope for the best.

* When Edwards speaks, applause doesn't feel perfunctory. After the speech in Iowa, a GOP state party director (from the Deep South) told me "Edwards is scary". As in, frighteningly talented. Forget history. When was the last time such a captivating campaigner filled the #2 slot? And after a few months of relentless stumping, Edwards will look at least forty.
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Tuesday, July 06, 2004

Save me from your soulful gaze 

Recall Saul. With religious zeal, this Pharisee stoned saints, imprisoned innocents, and destroyed churches (Acts 8:1-3). After God blinded him on Rue Damascus, Saul became Paul--Christianity's greatest evangelist. Before King Agrippa, Paul recounted his evil deeds:

I too was convinced that I ought to do all that was possible to oppose the name of Jesus of Nazareth... I put many of the saints in prison, and when they were put to death I cast my vote against them. Many a time I went from one synagogue to another to have them punished, and I tried to force them to blaspheme. In my obsession against them, I even went to foreign cities to persecute them. (Acts 26:9-11)

With that in mind:

In a magazine interview, President Bush said evil people can become good, but as for Al Qaeda mastermind Usama bin Laden, "This guy's soul is so corroded, there's just no way."

"As far as I'm concerned, there's nothing redeemable about him," the president told Ladies' Home Journal...
(via PusBoy)

Who the cheney put Bush in charge of redeemability?!?

Dare we implore this faithful student of the Good Book as to precisely how OBL's messianic zeal and approval of killing is more of a lost cause than Saul's? What, pray tell, is the exact level of soul corrosion which God is unable to penetrate?

Yes, know-it-all newshounds will point out that Duhbya has showcased his special soul-evaluating talents before, assessing the depths of lifelong KGB agents in mere minutes. But this one irks me, because the very religion Bush appeals to might have been extinguished without the unlikely redemption of a man who shared the same moral plane as Osama (no pun intended).

Too be sure, I don't expect the scales to wash from Osama's eyes anytime soon. But if you believe God converted Saul (who then penned much of the New Testament), why would you assume Osama is beyond his power? Someone in Bush's study circle should grill him on this.

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"the intensity of the GOP response is a measure of their anxiety"  

What does the Edwards selection say about John Kerry, especially in light of his earlier dance with friend McCain? Simply, that he understands winning is the prime consideration. These men improved his chances the most, and he went after them. Kerry's team played the media (left, right and center) so brilliantly it could serve as the focus for a Poli Sci course. I'm wildly impressed at the disciplined execution of strategy here. It reveals innumerable good things about JFK's campaign as it nears stages two and three.

As shown in the presidential primaries and in his '96 race versus Weld, Kerry finishes strong. More importantly, he has excellent political instincts during times of utmost political pressure. This gift will ultimately net him Ohio and/or Florida, and the presidency. (If not, it's my treat the morning after at the Camellia Grill. I'll be having an omelette, before packing for Switzerland.)

Title via Dr. Josh.
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Monday, July 05, 2004

"I am an honest person..." 

What a suspicious thing to say.

Do honest people feel like they must remind you of their honesty? Do they often explain: "Well, to tell you the truth-- which I always do anyway..."? No, they simply are honest, in what they do and say.

My father is the most positive person I've ever known. He makes Ned Flanders look like Albert Camus. He makes the Polyphonic Spree look like a herd of Eeyores. His favorite question is "Are we having fun, or what?"

My dad never had to tell someone, "I am an optimistic person."

Similarly, I don't suppose Winston Churchill found it necessary to tell his country "I am going to lead in the face of terror."

Don't such statements raise many more questions than they answer?
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