The oyster family was feeling a bit down in recent weeks, as it became clear that our summer schedule didn't allow time for a safari trip in Africa. Today, though, we learned from the Weather Channel that the heat index reached a record-setting 135 degrees in Destrehan, which is a short drive up the river from New Orleans. In case you didn't know, 135 degrees is officially "Africa hot" (if you'll pardon the scientific jargon).
Then I had an idea. I told the wife and kids to get dressed and jump in the car, because we were going to have a "budget safari" in the savannas of Destrehan!!
As the girls got their hats and gear, I quickly packed a cooler full of orange cold drinks. This impromptu vacation idea excited everyone: we could hardly imagine what sorts of "battles" we might witness amongst the heat-crazed beasts at the shrinking watering holes around Destrehan.
So we loaded everything into the family truckster, and began our impromptu vacation.
Then disaster struck. Just as we were halfway there, the car radio informed us of an important weather update and clarification. Apparently, the Destrehan temperature gauges had been affected by some recent comet dust in the atmosphere, and they were off by .3 degrees! That meant the heat index was no longer 135 degrees in Destrehan. It was really around 134.7 degrees instead-- and, clearly, that does not qualify as "Africa hot"! And what's the point of an impromptu safari if it isn't truly "Africa hot"? How could we properly enjoy our cold drinks?
To add insult to injury, my daughter Pearlgirl noted that the temperature recalculation meant that today was no longer a "heat index record" in Destrehan. She said that the record was set in 1934 when Huey Long was blowing an unprecedented amount of hot air into the atmosphere. That year, the Destrehan heat index reached 134.9-- almost, but not quite, "Africa hot". So, now we were all totally disappointed, and decided to turn around and drive back home. The whole thing was a farce, and I started doubting the "comet dust" story and imagining that there was a scientific hoax afoot, aimed at depriving our family of a safari experience that would "feel" authentic.
Aw well, maybe next summer.
Monday, August 13, 2007
Budget Safari by Denial river
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6 Comments:
Hee!
It's still hot enough that y'all coulda cooked in your shorts, though...right?
If it makes ya feel any better, Kenya is actually quite cool. We wore sweatshirts at night and early in the morning.
Oyster, I'm so sorry your family's "budget safari" got messed up.
Ya gotta watch that comet dust.
By 
Grandmère Mimi, at
11:17 AM
Heh! As someone with little ones who can appreciate the "local safari" anecdote, your story was a hoot! Thanks for the chuckles, though I'm sorry your outing turned cool. ;)
Thanks for the good blog! I'm a friend of Kevin W's and a former neighbor of Tim R's and have been amazed, humbled, and convicted by your writings. As someone who grew up in the Congo, and married to someone who has served in the USMC in Beirut, Kuwait and Iraq, "Africa Hot" should be changed to "Mid-East Hot." True, it wouldn't have the same Neil Simon cache!
Keep up the fight, for New Orleans, truth and sanity.
Jane
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