Friday, May 09, 2008

"Half of Louisiana is under water, and the other half is under..."

During his appearance on the Tonight Show, Gov. Bobby Jindal recycled Billy Tauzin's quip that "Half of Louisiana is under water and the other half is under indictment". Jindal carried it off well, and the audience laughed and thought it was funny.

However, very few are aware that Jindal allegedly toyed with the idea of altering Billy Tauzin's joke, and customizing it a bit. While preparing for the show, Jindal conducted a brainstorming session with his top staff members about what he should say in front of Leno's national audience. YRHT obtained some of the notes taken at this meeting, including a list of numerous alternate versions of Tauzin's joke. Ultimately, none of these were used, but I thought I'd share the text anyway:
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Half of Louisiana is under water, and the other half is under my slender gubernatorial thumb.

Half of Louisiana is under water, and the other half is underwhelmed by my office's lack of transparency.

Half of Louisiana is under water, and the other half underestimates my personal ambition.

Half of Louisiana is under water, and the other half is still under my spell charms.

Half of Louisiana is under water, and the other half is under Chief of Staff Timmy Teepell's "authoriteh strukture".

Half of Louisiana is under water, and the other half understands that my ethics reforms are toothless.

Half of Louisiana is under water and the other half is under fire.

Half of Louisiana is under water and the other half is under working girls in the French Quarter.

Half of Louisiana is under water, and the other half is under the weather and needs a hospital built yesterday (rather than being studied and delayed for many moons).

Half of Louisiana is under water, and the other half is under the government tit.

Half of Louisiana is under water, and the other half is underperforming on tests, and the other half is underachieving too.

Half of Louisiana is under water, and the other half is under traffic camera surveillance.

Half of Louisiana is under water, and the other half are underlings in a sham-economy with little potential for sustained gains in real living wages.

Half of Louisiana is under water, and the other half is under the impression that illegal immigration is the biggest problem facing our state.

Half of Louisiana is under water, and the other half says "Praise Jesus!"

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Additional contributions are welcome in the comments.

23 comments:

Adrastos said...

I'll play:

Half of Louisiana is under water and the other half is under the desk drunk as a skunk.

Great post, O.

jeffrey said...

Half of Louisiana is under water and Norman Robinson thinks the other half is being "too negative" about it.

Daniel Z. said...

"Half of Louisiana is under water, and the other half is underperforming on tests, and the other half is underachieving too."

heh! That is great! The entire post is great.

Half of Louisiana is under water and the other half just got removed from Melissa Sellers email list.

.... and the other half is afraid to drink it.

.... and the other half is still in Houston.

.... and the other half didn't vote for me so I don't care what's up with them.

.... and the other half underappreciates the fact that I personally saved them and brought them ice.

.... and the other half are underinflated and will be joining them shortly.

.... and because of Katrina the Democratic areas are underpopulated.

.... and the other half are underwriters.

Michael said...

Half is underwater and the other half is the Ark-La-Tex...and the third half is the Ark-La-Miss.

or

90 percent is underwater, and the other half is mental...

jeffrey said...

Half of Louisiana is under water and the other half is under insured.

Half of Louisiana is under water and Reggie Bush sucks.

mark c. said...

Half of Louisiana is under water, and the other half are outside agitators.

Half of Louisiana is under water, and the other half has never delivered a baby, I have, did you know I delivered a baby and my kids wear helmets, not that there should be a law making them wear helmets...

jeffrey said...

Half of Louisiana is under water and so it must be John McCain's birthday!!

Leigh C. said...

Half of Louisiana is under water and the other half is over the moon about it.

Half of Louisiana is under water and the other half needs to pull up their baggy pants or, by God, laws will be passed that they must do so!!!!

Half of Louisiana is under water and the other half wants to believe that it is a refutation of the evolution of the species by way of the wrath of God with "the Katrina" as His instrument.

jeffrey said...

Half of Louisiana is under water and Erroll Laborde thinks the other half "probably should have been cleared out anyway"

Leigh C. said...

Half of Louisiana is under water and the other half wants to rename everything that drowned after WASPs, thus finally conquering the Creole cultcha that has supposedly been a drain on 'em for so damn long.

Leigh C. said...

Oh, half of the state is...well, you know...and the other half is armed and ready to turn 'em back at the bridges.

joejoejoe said...

14% of Arkansas was underwater in the worst flood in American history, the Great Flood of 1927, but for the purposes of this joke and my national ambitions I'll reinforce misperceptions about Louisiana on national TV that dramatically harm efforts to enact sound federal energy and flood policies for the people of my state.

Did you hear the one Gov. Mitt Romney told about the tax-loving fags in Massachusetts? Hilarious!

Schroeder said...

... and the other half still believes George W. Bush.

Schroeder said...

... but it don't matter to CP3 and the Hornets! They love to swim, and they're still the best home team in the NBA, notwithstanding fact that giving bad boy Kobe Bryant the MVP award indicates a continuing lack of NBA interest in cleaning up its image by giving the award to a much better player, and a much more decent human being.

Daniel Z. said...

"Half of Louisiana is under water, and the other half has never delivered a baby, I have, did you know I delivered a baby and my kids wear helmets, not that there should be a law making them wear helmets..."

Nice!

Michael said...

Half of Louisiana is under water...and that's good news for Rudy Giuliani specifically and the Republican party in general.

Michael said...

Half of Louisiana is under water...which means the surge must be working.

liprap said...

SUUUUUUURGE!!!!

Such asinine commercials...

Half of Louisiana is under water, and all the folks with the brains to restore the coast and strengthen the levees are overseas working their engineering mojo on Iraq instead.

Jim said...

Half of Louisiana is under water adn the other half thinks sex toys and lap dances are our biggest problem.

Carmen said...

Half of Louisiana is under water and the other half is perfecting their wide stance.

Dr. Wu said...

Credit where credit is due: the original quote was from Molly Ivins regarding the Reagan administration, of which she said "Half of it was under average--the other half was under indictment."

Editilla said...

...the other half is under siege by whole'food enthusiasts.

...the other half is under the watchful eye of Kali!

...is under the assumption that the Corps is always lying--when'yaz heah they mouf'talkin.

...under'educated about the use of child safety helmets.

...utter fools fo'da Saints.

ubber under stated

Dambala said...

....and the other half is Southern Baptist.

....and the other half denies evolution.

....and the other half is sexually repressed.

....and the other half gets a free ride.