Thursday, January 01, 2009
Feast of the Circumcision
Continuing with the high-toned theme from last post, we should note that
today marks the anniversary of Jesus' circumcision.
Can I get a "Hallelujah" for the steady hands that trimmed the Nazarene's stamen?
...
And an "Amen"?
...
You can do better than that.
...
Thank you.
Tragically, the
Holy Prepuce was stolen in 1983. Thus, for the past quarter century we've celebrated the Feast of the Circumcision with a nagging uncertainty and shame. Why did
our generation have to lose (part of) the body of Christ? (It was in a shoebox in a priest's closet for goodness sakes-- how much more secure can you get?) Now I worry that we might all be cursed for eternity. Where is it? Who stole it? Worse still: what if the thieves misplaced or discarded the divine foreskin? Is there a small chance that
any random piece of dead skin you see lying around might be...
could be... the Holy Prepuce? Should we save all unclaimed pieces of dead skin that we find floating around, just in case? It's a scenario worth considering.
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In his yearly recap
Drive-By Blogger claims that, back in October, he taught himself how to perform a circumcision. While we applaud DBB's attempt to broaden his rather narrow skill set, he could've simply asked Florida QB
Tim Tebow to show him the ropes, rather than learn it the hard way.
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Please Note: Despite the uncanny similarities,
Drive-By Blogger and
F*** My Life blog are totally separate entities.
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Update: Grandmere Mimi has more on the (Removable) Feast.
Labels: Weeligion
10 Comments:
Oyster, you nearly made this old lady wet her panties from laughing. Is that high toned enough for you? You're going to hell, you know, and I'll probably be there, too, for laughing at your shocking irreverence.
Sorry if my humorous irreverance causes you to spend an eternity in the lake of fire, Grandmere.
Unfortunately, I'm a slave to comedy, so I just can help myself.
Perhaps, like the Nazarene's right hand thief on Golgotha, I can say a few redemptive words during my final hours which will make all the difference.
Do you have some kind of new year's resolution related to posting only about groin stuff? What gives, Oyster?
The best accompaniment to this post? Scoot Thompson of "The Kids In The Hall" making a VERY important request of his parents: I Want My Foreskin Back!
Perhaps, like the Nazarene's right hand thief on Golgotha, I can say a few redemptive words during my final hours which will make all the difference.
Of course! So go ahead on and live it up until then!
BTW....'stamen'/'amen': I'm 'borrowing' this one, O!
Wait a second. I just skimmed over this due to my "challenged" (no one has problems anymore, just challenges; we are such jerk offs) but shit, that's not why I am commenting here. I feel a strong need to comment here because......uh....hmmmm; well shit...now I done forgot. F F F
WAIT!!!!!!!!! I REMEMBER!!!! I wanted to say that I am not responsible for any missing foreskin nor the break-in and theft of my neighbor's porn collection!
Oh yeah, and Happy New Year all!
(Ursty....we need to talk about an incident about a year ago and how everyone misunderstood my remarks about that Grand MU MU chick)
D-BB, I saw that.
And a Happy New Year to you, too.
By the way, I don't wear mu-mus. Just sayin'.
How come you never show up at the Rising Tide gatherings?
I'm telling you, the proper food for the Feast of the Circumcision is calamari.
Yeah, Greg, not pork rinds. That REALLY wouldn't be kosher.
