For the past four years or so, my wife has given me a book of special coupons for Christmas (among other gifts). These special certificates are redeemable only to her for things like: a favorite meal, a long kiss, a cessation in nagging, a back rub, an adult handshake... etc.
Over the years, instead of using these books of coupons, I've decided to save them. (They have no expiration date printed on them, you see.) So I have like 60 different favors and services coming to me, and I'm impishly considering using all of them in one fabulous week (for me). Clever, huh?
My wife Lovely apparently views the coupons as a "win-win" X-mas present. I win because each year she gives me a thoughtful, homemade expression of her love for me, and she wins because I never redeem any of the coupons.
Well, that might change. Like I said, I'm quite tempted to use all of the saved coupons in a 1 week time-frame. A hedonistic blow-out, if you will. (Assume this is more important to me than it would seem.) How bad would that be?
In the comments and the poll please tell me what you think of my idea, by indicating which of the following reactions is most similar to your own.
1. This is not funny or cute, just mean. You don't deserve any of those coupons in the first place, and I'm sure Lovely intended for those books of coupons to expire in 1 year. Use a few of the ones from X-mas '08 if you must, and save the rest as keepsakes.
2. A deal's a deal. But you better Laugh it up this week, Scuzzball, because you'll pay for it later-- with interest.
3. Oyster, this devious little "redemption extravaganza" isn't noble behavior. But it is sort of funny. You're guaranteed to "make a memory" out of this silliness (and the painful aftermath), and "it will serve for sweet discourses in [the] time to come."
Saturday, January 03, 2009
Hedonistic blow-out
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14 Comments:
"adult handshake"
FTW
By 
suspect device, at
12:43 PM
I'll leave it to your imagination.
Actually, since my wife's involved, I don't want to leave it to your imagination. Check the urban dictionary.
I would counsel discretion with the hope of maximizing the value of those coupons. It's not the volume of coupons redeemed, it's finding the right combination of coupons to redeem in the right sequence.
By 
, at
5:51 PM
Some shopkeepers will honor the coupons of their competitors. As long as you are only redeeming your Lovely coupons at the Lovely Mart I think you are OK. If you try to use a Lovely coupon to get olive spread and double meat at another market then you are a being a very bad Oyster.
By , at
10:33 PM
"Adult handshake", too funny Oyster :) Your wife will get you back if you use them all at once. You'll have to post about what devious way you used them. Too funny!
By Bananahead, at
1:22 PM
Is there a prize for voting right?
Re the adult handshake, I got an education. You're incorrigibly naughty, Oyster.
By Grandmère Mimi, at
3:18 PM
I suppose mass redemption will quickly define the limits of the "win-win." (It may turn out to be a no mas redemption situation.)
I would cash in all the coupons with the exception of "no nagging". Explain to her that you dont find her to be a nagging person so those coupons don't need to be used. Perhaps with such complements she would mind participating in a week of hedonism....
:)
Daniel Z, there lies the way to a Lorena Bobbitt-ish reaction. Do NOT go there, Erster.
Then again, you are partway there in even considering cashing all this in at the same time. Why not go all the way?
Leigh: Huh? Telling your wife that you won't need to spend the "no nagging" coupons because you don't think she nags and therefore the coupons are not necessary would make a woman mad?
And I think his intent is definitely to go "all the way" ;)
Ooops, misread that, D.Z. My bad. The way to a woman's heart is indeed to inform her that she's not a noodge...and she's the most beautiful person ever...and she makes your life complete...and (insert your most loving phrase here)...
Right, so that is how i figured he could cash in on all the other coupons in a way that makes Lovely ready willing and able to do so.
Of course, we could all be ignoring the possibility that Oyster is just a fabulously skilled lover and that performing such tasks is a priveledge for Lovely to participate in.... I think I will choose to keep ignoring that possibility as I choose to not think of him in such ways (I am sure he appreciates that as well)
"I think I will choose to keep ignoring that possibility as I choose to not think of him in such ways."
Much obliged. Wise choice, too.