Friday, March 06, 2009
"You haven't achieved exaltation until you've tried my green jello salad."
Here at YRHT, we don't like to make jokes about our Mormon friends. (Wait, lemme check the archives to make sure that claim is accurate... whoops.)Here at YRHT, I'm a confessed slave to comedy. Sometimes, comedy writes itself. This
video of Mormon pick up lines might be a good example. However, in their defense, I would say that one could film
any random dozen young men performing their best "pick up" line, and it would be at least as cheesy and humorous. In fact, the Mormon compilation is so
gosh darn wholesome I find it somewhat charming.
Respectfully then, I contribute the title quote to any young Mormon man looking for dates.
And it would be rather hypocritical for me to mock my LDS brethren to any serious extent, having quoted Romans 8:18 on
three separate occasions.
"For I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing to the glory that will be revealed [in] us."As I (re-)interpret Paul of Tarsus, it doesn't get much more Mormon than that. So, as I attempt to work out a customized liberal Zoroastrian/Kierkegaardian/Presbyterian/Nietzschean celebration of the Nazarene's life and teachings (
in my own way), I want to tell my regular LDS readers-- of which I have a few!-- that y'all are always welcome here. And while I don't foresee myself joining your church any time soon, and while I don't foresee an end to the gentle ribbing about green jello salad, that doesn't mean I only see the theological differences between us.
Far from, far from. Even though we're on
waaaay different paths to that Big Love in the sky (hopefully) I still glimpse you, walking through the woods. Maybe you can create a name for "fellow travellers" such as myself: call me an honorary
Jack 'n Coke Mormon.
Labels: philosophy, Weeligion, Zoroastrianism
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4 Comments:
As one of your long long(smidge Moses) readers We non-Uthard LDS people make fun of the green jello salad eating folks. Some day some day oyster we will have to sit down and have a real conversation...By the way Im in Mongolia again working for big business. Drop me a line
If I get the chance to download the clip, I will, but my last memory of in-person LDS "elders" was 9A on a Saturday morning (keeping in mind that 90% of my jobs in NOLA were graveyard/overnight) when two sweaty, pimply, shifty-eyed white boys tried to PUSH their way into my front door, INSISTING that I let them in to "share jeebus" with me.
Semi-comatose and sleep-deprived I might've been, but I wasn't THAT stupid. I didn't see their bicycles anywhere out in my front yard, and those "Elder" pins could be bought/engraved in any mall. Hell, I didn't even see them holding bibuls.
But then, on my end of Broadmoor, any time that the door-to-door crackheads saw a vehicle in a driveway, rather than trying to break into the house/garage, they'd ring the fucking doorbell with that "gotta pick up medicine at Walgreen's" story. Of course, when you offer to drive them down to Walgreen's to pick up the script WITH THEM, ohhhh, noooo, that's not gonna work, 'cause they've got to run seventeen errands before they hit the drive-thru, etc.
Though your whimsical take upon the LDS, Erster, does remind me of how much fun I've had over the years, in helping their missionaries to find new targets, um, er, I mean, POTENTIAL CONVERTS... From Vegas to Atlanta, LawnGuyland/Jersey to Miami, I have helped the brethren reach out and touch SO many of my friends... and former friends... and others... After all, if they're offering a free service/goods, it's not mail fraud! Can't affect anybody's credit rating (like subscribing them to "Blue Boy" or "Black Nookie" from the Look-Look porn store in Beaumont, WHICH, I might add, the damned mormons BOUGHT AND TORE DOWN!!! Fuck their parking needs for their Genealogical Museum, the porn store was there first!!!), can't cost anybody a dime, and that's what they WANT when they run those late-night commercials, offering free videos on how to raise goodly, mightily white-ily chirrens, on how Jeebus came to North Murka, how Native Murkins are the "lost tribes of Israel", etc. They WANT to give this stuff away, and I think that I've done more to help them give away their books, their bibuls, and their videos than anybody I know.
*sigh* Ahhhh, youth... and those wonderful long-gone days before caller I.D... *sigh*
Getting back to those two pseudo-mormons on my front porch (who obviously couldn't read the signs that said, "If you do not have an appointment or a search warrant, GET THE FUCK OFF OF MY PORCH!!!" and "Trespassers will be shot. Beggars will be eaten. Solicitors will be Fed To The Cats."): I'd have to say that the best part, aside from my loverly cast-iron security door, was asking them about the albino talking salamander before I slammed the door shut. Priceless.
Granted, it would've been funnier if they'd actually have been mormons, but it was worth a hoot, nonetheless.
Ghengis: "By the way Im in Mongolia again working for big business."
So I hear, so I hear! Well done, sir. I think you'll have to make the first overture and email me, as I've lost some contact info for you. Use the "contact" link on the sidebar to access the page with my email.
Press on.
Oyster, are you saying that you are now, or once were, a Calvinist? I'd never have known, I tell ya.
